Monday, October 28, 2013

How I became a runner and my first full marathon!

What does being a runner mean? And how does someone become a runner? Personally, I think it's all in how you view yourself, and what running does for you. I began running back in 2006. I was in an unhappy relationship, depressed and had gained a lot of weight. I needed something to help me get out. I began walking and jogging intervals. For a year I continued this and was able to drop the weight. I went back to university and continued running for weight loss. I ran several times a week, but I still didn't consider myself a runner.

It wasn't until I moved to Korea, in 2010, that I finally began running for a different reason. My weekly runs were no longer about losing weight, they were about destressing, clearing my head, and finding myself on the road. My first year in Korea I ran my first official 5km race. It wasn't easy, nor was it my best time, but it opened up an entirely new world for me. A few months later, I ran my first 10km and six months after that my first half, an accomplishment I never thought I could ever achieve. In my mind I was a "real" runner  now. When people asked me what my hobbies were, I would answer with, "I run". Running has saved me from myself. When I am down and sad, I go for a run and return feeling on top of the world. I have the word "run" tattooed on my wrist so I always remember the one thing that showed me who I really was and what I could do. Since my first half marathon, I have run multiple more, even one on the Great Wall of China.

The idea of running a full marathon was always in the back of my mind. I would see others doing it and think if they can, why can't I? Last fall I decided I would run the Seoul International Marathon in March. I began training through the winter, turns out training for a full marathon is a huge commitment and by February my training hadn't reached the point it should have so I opted out of the marathon.

The thought still lingered in my head, I really wanted to complete a full marathon while being in Korea. So I signed up for the famous Chuncheon Marathon. Toted as the most beautiful marathon course in Korea, it was also well known for its hills. I began my training in the heat of the summer and kept it up relatively well. I had worked up to 30km long runs on Sundays and was feeling strong. That's when the bronchitis hit. With one month to go until race day I was sick as a dog. Every week that went by I rested and hoped I would get better in time. I ran a few short runs in the weeks while tapering but definitely not what I should have been.

By the time race weekend rolled around, I was still sick, but slightly better and determined to run. No way was I quitting this one. All I had been doing for months was talking about it, I couldn't back down now. So Saturday evening, my running partner, Emily and I headed up to Chuncheon to stay with a friend of mine. It was nice to be able to get up there the night before, otherwise we would have had to wake up at 4:30am to get the bus up with our running club, the Seoul Flyers. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep either way, but it was great not having to worry about waking up early.

7AM finally came and it was time for us to get up. The nervousness began to give way to excitement, I was about to run a FULL marathon!! We stuffed ourselves full of our go-to breakfasts, me with my paleo pancakes, banana and almond butter and Emily with her quinoa, jam and banana. Into a cab we went! We arrived at the race site to meet up with the other 30,000 runners. That's right. I said 30,000. Nothing like getting up close and personal with a bunch of sweaty marathoners! Our first stop was the bathroom, lines, lines and more lines. Luckily it didn't take too long.


The morning up in the mountains was pretty chilly. We had both brought shorts and tank tops to run in so we were hesitant to check out bags until the possible second. We walked around and managed to meet up with the Flyers. After securing spots back home on the bus, we stripped down to our running gear, checked our bags, and found our corral. The race began at 9:00AM, but we were in G corral so we thought we wouldn't run until closer to 9:45. We lined up around 9:15 and lucky we did because we crossed the line shortly after 9:20. I looked at Emily with excitement and fear(and maybe a tear or two) I was running my first marathon.

It was chilly and foggy for the first 5-7km but then the sun came out and the views were gorgeous.

If you look closely you can see runners on both sides of the river!

Emily and I rocked through the first 21Km in an awesome time. We crossed the halfway mark at 2:04, I was elated, at this rate we could possibly get a 4:15 or 4:20 finish. Pretty awesome and way under what I was hoping for. Little did I know, the worst was yet to come.



At around 23km I started feeling pain in my knee. Funny thing was, it wasn't the knee I have tendonitis in(and was wearing a knee brace for) it was the other one. I started to worry, we were only half way, what if it got worse? I kept my eyes open for the medics on the side with the magical numbing spray. Unfortunately I didn't see one for awhile and by 25km my knee was screaming at me. Not wanting to let Emily down, I continued on in pain. On a bathroom break at 25km I accidentally stopped my Garmin so I was about 3km off, which drove me crazy as I didn't know how far we had gone. A friend had warned me that I would go to a very dark place in this marathon, and he was not wrong. By 27km I was fighting a hard core battle. Not only was my right knee in horrible agony, by left IT band decided it was going to seize up as well. Finally I found some spray and numbed both knees. I even switched my knee brace to my right knee since it was hurting much more than my left. Okay, I began to feel some relief. In my mind I kept repeating mantras over and over. I got this. Don't stop. You can do this Caley. Prove it to yourself. Out loud all I did was complain(sorry Emily!) When would this be over? Why did we do this? I will never run again!

By 30km, I was unsure if I could finish. I had visions of lying down and curling up on the side of the road. No one would notice, I'm sure I could just take a quick nap. I was breaking down physically and emotionally. I was stopping at every medic and spraying my knees as much as possible to dull the pain. Side story: My ex boyfriend Ben bought me a hash necklace with my hash name on it when he went to Malaysia last year. He wore it while completing the hash challenge, a 42.195km hash through the Malaysian jungle. He told me it was the hardest thing he had ever done in his life but he had to keep going for me, so that the necklace meant something. Immediately when he told me that I knew I would have to wear it for my marathon, likely the hardest thing I will ever do(at the time we were still together.) Since breaking up, I have fought with myself over whether or not I would wear it for the race. Part of me didn't want to because I didn't want to think about him the whole time, this race was for me, but the other part of me wanted to because it means so much to me still and this race would make it mine. At the last minute before starting I decided I would wear it. Funny thing is, I only thought about him once. At one point around 31km, when I was on the brink of giving up and lying down, I touched it and wondered if he had felt the same excruciating pain while doing the hash challenge as I was in at the very moment. I knew then I couldn't stop. That necklace would be mine, I needed to earn it.

Emily and I trucked along, at a very slow pace. My dreams of a 4:20 marathon were long gone, now I was only dreaming of survival. Emily had her watch so I kept asking her, how far are we? what's our time? Finally we rounded a corner and we saw the bridge our friend Sessions had told us would be about 2km from the finish. We were almost there. Keep going. One foot in front of the other. I was dying, barely shuffling. I would not walk across the finish line, I would run. Those last 2km were terrible, the longest two kilometres I have ever run. Even when we hit the last kilometre I wasn't sure I would make it. I turned to Emily and said, "I don't think I can keep going. I can't do it." She looked at me and told me to keep going, I could do it, less than a kilometre left.

Coming up to the finish line we saw some Seoul flyers on the side cheering us on. We crossed the line at the same time 4:47. We were done. A wave of emotion came over me, tears in my eyes, Emily and I hugged, and congratulated each other. We made it. I could barely walk, but I did it. I finished the marathon and I earned my necklace. Walking around after crossing the finish line I told Emily I might quit running, I never wanted to run again, that was the worst idea I'd ever had and the hardest thing I'd ever done. We both knew that wasn't true. I am glad we did it.

Smiling after crossing the finish line! 

We met back up with the Seoul Flyers crew and went off in search of what Chuncheon is known for, it's delicious Dak Galbi! After stuffing our faces full of food, we hopped on the bus for a traffic filled three hour bus ride home. By the time I got home it was 10PM and my knee was the size of a grapefruit. A sign that I should probably not have run without more training. Lesson learned. Thanks marathon.



I may never run a full marathon again. That kind of pain and agony is not something I want on a regular basis. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I did it voluntarily. Crazy? Maybe. Was it worth it? Heck yes! I proved to myself I can withstand more than I ever thought I could. Oddly, I thought I would come out of this race with the mentality that I could handle life on my own, that I had done it all by myself. But that is not the case. Without Emily by my side, and without the countless Koreans yelling, "FIGHTING!" as we ran by, I would not have been able to push myself to finish. I now know I am strong enough to bear more pain that I ever thought I could, but I can't go at life alone. I need to ask for help sometimes and I am so grateful and blessed to have friends like Emily to keep me going. One thing I do know is, as my nana used to say, I am one tough cookie. And I am a runner. 

2 comments:

  1. Caley, this is one of the best pieces of writing I have read in a long time and I am so effing happy that is about your overcoming your struggles. You have been through so much in the past few years that I have known you and you deserve you feel this victory that no one but you achieved for yourself. You did it. You are an inspiration to me. I love you and I am so proud to have you as a friend. Now... get me a hash necklace, wear it through another marathon, and give me something to get me off my fat traveling ass and back on that bike. See you soon you crazy b*tch.

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  2. I'm so glad to see someone besides me thinks your writing is wonderful! I found it very touching! But I'm always accused of being 'the mom '. You are such an inspiration. I wish I had just a small bit of your determination.

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